Dating Tips for Adults
Many women find guys who are shy and withdrawn quite attractive. It could be because they are mysterious and it could also be because they can be so charming. One thing is for sure, they are certainly a nice break from the egocentric men who normally ask women out. Possibly the biggest challenge with shy guys is that they will not ask you out. They are often too shy, and would probably benefit from Tiffany Taylor’s book Be the Guy Who Gets the Girl. In the case of a shy guy, the woman will probably have to make the first move.
How to date a guy who’s this shy can be tricky. Small steps will need to be taken in order to get him to open up to you, and so you can avoid scaring him off. It is a great idea to become friends with him first, before you ask him out or doing anything else. He can get to know you without the pressure of a relationship. You need to be especially patient with this type of guy because it can take quite a while for him to open up and come out of his shell. But with a series of small steps he will come out. It can be frustrating at times, but most people say that it is well worth the wait.
One good idea that can help promote him to open up to you is to open up yourself. Tell embarrassing stories of things that happened to you or tell him some secrets. It just might make him feel close enough to you that you can ask him out or he might even ask you out.
Posted in Tips for Women on 12/05/2008 11:21 am by Steve Hook
“Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street
From my window I’m staring while my coffee grows cold
Look over there! (Where?)
There’s a lady that I used to know
She’s married now, or engaged, or something, so I am told
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me,
There’s something going wrong around here”
–Joe Jackson (”Is She Really Going Out With Him”, Look Sharp, 1978)
A few months ago I wrote to you about how we as guys have a tendency to believe women think like we do when it comes to attraction. Or more specifically, I guess you could say we tend to think women PROCESS attraction similarly to how we do.
For example, since we evaluate women as potential sexual partners based largely on physical appearance (at least initially), we assume women do also. Hence Joe Jackson’s little “dilemma” above.
But the reality is what it is: Women really, truly don’t want a guy who is “prettier” than they are. They want something else. And it’s not what YOU want, necessarily.
Similarly, it’s often not even what you WANT them to want, either. So sometimes, women end up with guys who just don’t “compute” according to our way of thinking.
Not only is it obviously arrogant to see things that way, it’s flat-out shortsighted. It’s just not the case.
I’ve described before how this phenomenon weaves it’s way into our psyche and keeps us from success with women*, but I’m still getting TONS of e-mails from guys who are still wrestling with the concept pretty hard.
You can argue reality, or you can get in step with it.
So it’s time to face it: We just cannot hamfist a woman’s feelings of attraction or otherwise. The floor is littered with the smashed dreams of guys who argue reality according to women.
Meanwhile, the women we desire can be out with the same guys we shake our heads at-and utterly thrilled with them.
In order to get a completely different perspective on all of this, today I’m going to give you the benefit of seeing what happens when a WOMAN thinks in this way. What does it look like when SHE considers men to process attraction the way she does?
This may finally clarify how all of this works.
To that end, let me share with you something that happened earlier this morning.
I got a call on Skype from a woman in Ireland who has just recently met a guy, and had a few questions.
They met, had what appeared to be a decent first date, and he has asked her out again.
But…he has asked her a question via email since that has troubled her immensely. Offhandedly, he asked her what her interests and hobbies were.
Now the woman is very concerned, because she doesn’t have “exciting, action-packed” hobbies. Further, she’s worried that her ambitions and life-plan aren’t going to be enough to impress this new guy.
In short, she’s assuming that we as guys think like she does.
You see, women are wildly attracted to men with ambition, motivation and passion…typically manifested in a PLAN that makes a woman feel safe and secure, and which she can willingly hitch her wagon to.
So when the guy (who was probably just making small talk) asked the question he did, she automatically assumed HE was looking for the same answers SHE would be looking for.
But really, my guess was that he would be perfectly happy with sharing his exciting world with her, and welcoming her to some new and cool pastimes.
Ultimately, as I shared with her, her new friend was likely most interested in knowing that she was up for some exciting adventures along the way as opposed being reticent to join in the fun.
It was a huge burden off of her shoulders to know she didn’t have to PROVIDE THE PLAN, or BE the source of those exciting adventures.
You may be rolling your eyes at this point.
Seriously, when was the last time YOU needed a woman to be a world-class skydiver or have a plan for world domination in her back pocket?
The answer is probably “never”. In fact, we as guys usually would rather not have to deal with such “intimidating” factors.
We want to lead. We want women to approve of our plan and jump on the bandwagon with us.
And in the case of the woman I talked to this morning, the guy had ALREADY asked her out on a second date. She had succeeded at creating attraction.
For her, it’s now time to go with the flow instead of (*ahem*) PRE-DISQUALIFYING herself based on…wait for it…her own assumptions that men process attraction the way she does.
Otherwise, she’s talking herself out of success with men in a similar way we as guys talk ourselves out of success with women.
So yes. All of us-men and women alike-appear to be going around assuming that MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) are attracted to what they’re attracted to.
Yet, at the same time men AND women also tend to consider the opposite gender “enigmatic”, pronouncing the possibility of understanding members thereof “impossible”.
So which is it? Do they think like we do, or are they “impossible” to figure out?
It can’t be both…unless, of course, we haven’t even figured OURSELVES out yet.
And let’s face it. You’ve GOT to know what you want in a woman. You’ve got to put aside the obstacles of the past, recognize what your desires are and then deserve what you want.
Right now, you may be reading this newsletter and realizing that I talk about things VERY differently than some other dating experts out there.
In fact, in the last three audio interviews I’ve done, the interviewer ended up saying the EXACT same thing in almost the same exact words. “You know McKay, you talk about this stuff in a way that nobody else really does…yet you make more sense.”
Well, we aim to please around here.
Really, the issue is that understanding women and attracting them does not involve a bunch of high-tech mumbo-jumbo. It simply is a matter of finding out what women want from a great man, and REPRESENTING that to them.
The result? Great women in YOUR life.
Posted in Tips for Men on 11/28/2008 02:13 pm by Steve Hook
Keeping a girl interested in you can be a tough job for most men. They usually try to anticipate what girls like, this works to an extent however, the secret to keep her mind on you is easier than you think. Doing things naturally is the real secret here, guys who can do things naturally don’t have too much difficulty in keeping a girl interested in them….
Be original when making her laugh- Always think of your own way to catch a girl’s attention, never do the same thing repeatedly. Remember the more creative your approach the better the reaction you’ll get.
It will be good to use colorful tactics to get her to laugh, laughter always seem to bring the best out of people.
Try new things with her - Some girls will want you to try out new things with them, this is a great chance to keep her interested in you. Never refuse a girl’s offer to do something new, but if you really need to refuse give her a good personal reason.
Most girls will understand because they are usually empathetic when encouraging someone to try new things with them.
Take her to festivals - In most cases, giving her a new atmosphere will help do wonders for your reputation. Festivals always do a good job of giving a more relaxed atmosphere, where you can show off some skill and goof off occasionally.
Girls like guys who know how to give them a good time, especially during a festival.
Say something cool and deep - words have always been an important weapon in a man’s arsenal. However, knowing what to say when the time comes can be a bit difficult especially when you get overwhelmed by the moment.
Just remember to always stand up to what you believe in and the words will just come out naturally.
Posted in First Steps.., Tips for Women on 11/22/2008 09:57 am by Steve Hook
Ladies, are you ready to get out on the town? You know you’ve got stuff, and now is the time to strut it. Put your cat in the backseat and your lipstick on your face, because we are going to get you a date! Let’s start by reading these simple tips to help you find that certain someone.
The first piece of dating advice for women is to know what you are looking for. Dig deep, and see what you are looking for in a partner. Do you want a part time companion? Someone for a hot weekend or two? Make sure your partner knows this, before any feelings get hurt. Or, perhaps you are looking for a soul mate, someone to spend the rest of your days with. Be careful, these types are hard to find. By knowing what you are after, it is much easier to make the right connection.
The next important step is to project your personality. I’ve heard plenty of people give terrible dating advice for women, explaining that a woman should keep quiet and not be herself. This is a horrible idea! Dating is about having fun, and if you try and act like someone you are not, you are guaranteed disappointment. Find what makes you happy, and embrace it, and make sure your man knows that that is who you are.
The last, and best piece of advice for any woman is, “Don’t Give Up!” It is so easy to get discouraged. Don’t let the little things bog you down. Everyone meets with failure, the important thing is to dust yourself off and get out there again. Mr. Right is looking for you, too, and the more you date, the better your chances of meeting him!